Halfway There

Well, I'm officially halfway through my pregnancy. On Sunday I hit my 20 week mark, and it's unbelievable to think that I'm on the downhill slide now. It's kind of scary, really, because I'm not at all ready for sleepless nights and the lack of freedom that comes with having a new baby. I've gotten pretty used to being able to pick up the boys and go relatively easily for a while now. Those are really the main things I'm fearing. I'm not worried about labor and delivery or anything else that I can really think of, but it's those early, emotional days of Drew's life, where I felt like I was so sleep-deprived I couldn't do anything and therefore was a terrible mom to Zach, that are haunting me. Oh, well. We all adjusted and Zach doesn't seem too worse for the wear, so hopefully Drew will come through everything ok, too. I figure this time Zach and Drew will at least have each other, which could be a blessing or a curse on any given day (or any given 5 minute period, for that matter).

I feel like for a few weeks now I've been stuck at that stage where I don't really look pregnant; I just look kinda fat. This especially bugs me when I'm at the swimming pool with the boys (which is a lot), where I recently switched from my two-piece suit to a nice, ruched tankini (the ruching does wonders to hide the bump), and at the small gym where I do kickboxing classes a few times a week. I've been going there very consistently since Drew was 12 weeks old, which means it's been over 2 years now, and it really bugs me to think that the people that I see there all the time are probably wondering if I'm just eating everything in sight or what. I like to work out hard, and I've gotten lots of comments in the past 2 years about having endless energy during classes, and now I am forced to take more breaks to get my heart rate back down. I hate looking like a wuss. Lately I'm having to take tons of bathroom breaks during class, too, which is totally annoying. It seems my average these days is 3 bathroom breaks in the hour I'm there, though sometimes it's fewer if there are fewer jumping jacks and less jumping around in general. Having had 2 kids, being 20 weeks pregnant, being well-hydrated, and lots of jumping just do not make a good combination! I've had to slow down my running a lot, too, but I'm not running with other people, so that I can deal with.

I am the third kid in my family, and I was always annoyed that I didn't have a baby book but both of my older sisters did/do. My mom's excuse was always, "Usually the third kid doesn't have a baby book," which I always thought was total B.S. But, I can see now why that happened. Drew's baby book has less in it than Zach's does, and this poor third kid will be lucky to have anything, I think. When I was pregnant with Zach, I had a journal with space to write notes every day, and while I didn't write every day, I wrote a fair amount. With Drew I mostly wrote down the details of every doctor's appointment and the details of my runs (heart rate and stuff), and random other stuff that I thought I'd want to remember. So far with this baby I've written down that I was pregnant and when I took the positive pregnancy test, and that's it. Sorry, kid; usually the third kid doesn't get a pregnancy journal. At least I had Mike take a picture at 20 weeks:

With Zach and Drew I had really easy pregnancies, and so far this one has been pretty easy, too. I feel more tired than I remember being, but maybe part of that is the heat of the summer and the fact that I'm a couple of years older. Along with having that is-she-fat-or-is-she-pregnant look about me, I'm also in the midst of what feels like an endless wardrobe malfunction. I'm just getting too big for my regular clothes, but maternity clothes are still too big for me. Earlier in the summer I did buy a few pairs of shorts 2 sizes larger than I normally wear, so those are still sort of working, but not for much longer. I wear running shorts as much as I can, because with the elastic waist, I can just wear them low like I like 'em anyway, and they're still comfortable. I'm probably wearing about 5% of my whole wardrobe right now because I just wear the same things over and over again.

So aside from those small annoyances, the only thing that has been really different this pregnancy and really annoying are these lovely varicose veins I've developed. I feel like I went from 32 year-old legs to 80 year-old legs (or really just an 80 year-old right leg, since my left leg seems unaffected thus far) in a matter of weeks. From what I've read, these will probably go away after the baby is born, and I am sure hoping they do. Some days they look worse than others, and some days they really hurt. Exercise is supposed to be good for varicose veins because it gets the muscles contracting and relaxing, which helps move the blood through those crowded vessels, so I'm glad it's that way and not the other way around. I'd be really mad if I couldn't work out. They're generally fine while I'm running or doing kickboxing, but sometimes after I go for runs especially, the veins hurt more. Compression hoses are about the only other treatment for varicose veins, and maybe I'll do that once it's fall and it's not so hot and humid. Try not to be too grossed out by this picture, and just remember, it's so Three (which is what we are sort of calling the baby at this point) doesn't feel so left out when he is older and there's little documentation of his time in utero.

Yes, I did call Three "he" in that last paragraph, but that doesn't mean anything. I have my ultrasound next week, but we're not finding out the gender of the baby. I still go back and forth between thinking we'll have another boy and thinking we might have a girl. I really have no strong feelings either way, and even if I did, I don't think those feelings mean anything. I have 2 good friends who have had babies in the last 3 weeks, and they both had strong feelings one way or the other, and then had the opposite of what they thought they were having, so I'm just going to stay in limbo for another 20 weeks or so, I think. I think I am feeling movement now, which is nice, but I am definitely ready to see that ultrasound to make sure things are progressing the way they should.

Drew and Zach get more excited about the baby all the time. Zach has decided that it will be fine if he gets a baby sister. Drew asked me this morning, "Mommy, ca-I (can I) touch your baby in your belly button?" I think it will especially be neat for Zach when he can put his hand on my belly and feel the baby moving. That will make it more real for him.

The first 20 weeks have gone by quickly, that's for sure, and I'll be just fine if the next 20 pass a little more slowly.