Oh Brother

My whole life I've heard stories about the torture imparted upon my dad by his older brothers, especially the brother that was just above him, my late Uncle Bob. My dad was the youngest, Bob was 9 years older than him, and there are 11 years between my dad and his brother Bill, so they had a lot of size, strength, and shrewdness on him for many years. My dad has some pretty hilarious stories (for someone who wasn't the object of the torture, anyway). In more recent years I've heard stories of Mike picking on his younger brother Colin, and of my brother-in-law Will picking on his younger brother, too. Being picked upon, tricked by, and coerced into stupid things by older siblings seems to basically just be a rite of passage, especially so when it comes to brothers, I believe. And, already, at the tender ages of not-quite-five and just-over-two, I see this ringing true for my own boys.

First, there was the penis-head incident. If you missed that one, you can find it here. Then, this morning, again while I was brushing my teeth, I could hear the boys in their bathroom, and Zach was giving instructions that basically went like this- "Drew, smell my tush. Now say, 'Zach smell!'" then, "Drew, now I'll smell your tush. Drew smell!" and finally, "Drew, smell the toilet. Say, 'Toilet smell!'" And, like the good little brother, Drew was doing just what he was told to do. Maybe I'm wrong, but I have a hard time imagining two sisters doing this to each other.

Then there was the next incident, which occurred tonight. The boys were in the bathroom washing their hands before dinner, and suddenly, Drew was crying and was upset- bad sign #1. So I went to the bathroom and tried to open the door, but it was locked- bad sign #2. I had Zach open the door and asked what the problem was. Drew said, "Soap in mouth!" And Zach added, "Drew got soap in his mouth." So I said, "And how did that happen? Did he do that all on his own, Zach?" Zach replied with, "Yeah, he did it to himself." "Are you sure, Zach? Remember what happened last time you lied?" I said. Zach quickly said, "Oh, yeah. Um, I helped a little bit." Anyway, it turns out that Zach told Drew to lick his (Zach's) arm while it had soap all over it, and Drew, being young and naive, again did what his big brother told him to do. Dad, I think Uncle Bob would be proud of the skill his great-nephew Zach is showing, don't you? And this is only the beginning...